On February 7th, 2024, Nex Benedict, a transgender 16 year old from Owasso, Oklahoma, went to the restroom. Forced to use the women’s restroom, due to Oklahoma’s previous bathroom bans, he was approached by three older girls who began verbally taunting Nex and their unidentified friend. In retaliation, Nex poured water on one of the girls, which led to the three girls brutally beating Nex and their friend on the floor of the women’s restroom. Nex Benedict died the following day, on February 8th.
Coming to terms with my own identity took years. In highschool, I found myself in the closet with no intentions of coming out. Beginning college, I introduced myself as pansexual to new friends, but knew deep within that there was a lot more to my identity that I was not prepared to face. In 2023, I finally came out as a lesbian to my friends and family after years of fear for what that might do to my relationships. I cut my hair off, and I started wearing men’s clothing. I won’t lie, I lost some people. I make people uncomfortable now- people who have known me for years. They don’t see me anymore, they see my queerness. I am invisible to most men, as they no longer see me as a resource for their usage. Predictably, dating as a lesbian in the Midwest is the most depressing thing I have ever attempted to do. I still did it, though. It was time.
It would be a lie to say I miss how things were though. I miss when I was me. I’m still me, but I really miss when people saw me. When I was more than who I dated. When I was more than a target. Being openly gay, you know when people identify you as such. You can see it register on their faces. Sometimes it’s okay, they don’t mind. Sometimes you can see them shift, though, as their body language becomes tense. Their eyes will scan over you, looking for more markers of queerness that they can write down in their heads about you. They seem grossed out, uncomfortable, and you can tell they’ve shelved you as a person that they do not want to associate with. It’s in those moments that I wish more than anything that I had never come out of the closet. Yes, there is irony in feeling that way and still writing this opinion to be published.
The death of Nex Benedict struck a chord in me, partially because I admire his bravery to come out so young. Partially because I know what it’s like to attend a small highschool and be different. Partially because I know deep down that I could end up like that too if I’m not careful. I know I’m not the only one who sees a fragment of myself in Nex’s soul. We can only hope for change, and that it’s coming soon. This cannot keep happening.
