Kalliope Opinion 2019
I have been in a relationship with my now fiancé since 2015. For a small portion of that time, I was in high school and he had graduated. Then, I was in college here while he was in college in Missouri. For the last year and a half, we have both been in college at ESU.
Most people assume that when he moved to Kansas we started living together, but the truth is we actually live three minutes apart. Which is still a HUGE change from living almost two hours away.
Both of us agree that moving in together before we get married in May (eek!) is not the right choice for us. Here’s why:
I don’t want to impulsively overreact to his bad habits. Of course there will be issues when we move in together, whether we do it before “I do” or after. We are going to argue about how to keep the house, where dirty clothes actually belong and whatever else, but once we are married, we don’t get to decide these habits are deal breakers. Instead, we have to work through it.
We are choosing to stay abstinent until we get married. That commitment is difficult enough when we only live three minutes away from each other. I don’t think I need to elaborate on the added temptation of sharing all of our down time together and a bed every night.
Waiting to live together keeps the magic of marriage alive. There is so much that changes after a couple shares their vows publicly. There’s a new spiritual connection, names are changed, decision making shifts, and so much more. For us, we get to see a giant tangible shift in our relationship that simply wouldn’t be there if we were living together now.
Getting out of a lease is not easy. Let’s say the worst happened. We broke up after we moved in together, for whatever reason. It is expensive to break a lease. It is exhausting to suffer through to the end, living with an ex (or so I’ve heard from people who have done it). Even not living together, we would still have to decide who would keep the Nintendo Switch that we bought together, and that would be its own disaster!
Whatever you decide to do with your partner is up to the two of you. I am not trying to tell you that your life should be dictated by our values. However, if you two are considering moving in together, but aren’t sure about it, let this be a voice that stands firmly in the “wait” camp.