
margaret opinion 2019
Imagine you get married to the love of your life. After your wedding, you finally move in together, it’s that first night and things are going great.
However, over time, things get worse. They’re sloppy, they have quirks you didn’t know about before. Little things start adding up and you’ve had enough.
Now, imagine if you knew all of this before you got married. Imagine you were able to solve all of these problems before your wedding by doing one simple thing: Moving in together before saying “I do.”
I’ll be honest, I’ve never actually lived with a significant other. It’s been less than six months since I got my own apartment in Emporia, but I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I want. I think it’s especially important at this age, as college students, to understand something like this about ourselves.
Namely, I’ve learned that I’ll have to live with my future partner before marriage.
I’ve had friends who waited to move in together until marriage, and it ultimately ended in divorce. While, yes, there were other things going on, she moved into an apartment that he constantly kept dark and dingy. It was dirty and gross, and had they moved in together before marriage, it would’ve saved her a lot of time, money and effort. Not to mention she wouldn’t have had to go through all that emotionally.
Unfortunately, I know she was pressured by her parents and other family to wait to move in together. Had she been given the opportunity, I know things would have gone differently.
In another set of friends I have, they moved in together almost a year before they got married. While it wasn’t perfect, it worked out well for them. They were able to process all that comes with cohabitation before making the commitment of marriage.
However, I have seen it work well when the couple moved in together after marriage. My parents are still happily married today, even though they didn’t live together until they said, “I do.”
While I’m a firm believer of cohabitation before making such a huge commitment, I do understand that it’s different for each person. But, I do think it’s so, so important that each person to think about and make this decision on their own, with their partner and not anyone else.