She woke up every day to fight the same battle, but a dramatic situation made her realize that she never had to fight it alone.

“There’s so many stigmas out there about mental illness and suicide,” said Chelsea Tabolt, sophomore secondary history education major. “People don’t believe that mental illness exists. They think that people are just trying to get pity or, you know, they’re making stuff up. They think that someone who commits suicide is a coward, and really it comes down to a person and what’s going on in their life. I don’t think anyone has the right to judge that.”

At the end of the spring 2014 semester, Tabolt felt she had reached a breaking point, and described her mindset as hopeless and devastated.

“I feel like most people who are feeling depressed and at the level of suicidal they feel like they are so alone and that there’s not hope,” said Sally Crawford-Fowler, director of counseling services at the Student Wellness Center. “Hopelessness is one of the major symptoms of depression, and giving that person some hope that ‘Yes. Most people recover from this,’ and the best way to recover is through counseling and often time medication.”

ESU students can receive free counseling by appointment or walk-in Monday through Friday from 8 a.m.to 5 p.m.

“I felt like my whole world was falling apart,” Tabolt said. “I didn’t have anyone who I thought I could turn to. I didn’t have anyone who I could ask for help. What I believed was that no matter what I did nothing was going to get better. I just felt like I was in a black hole and I couldn’t get out.”

Records are not held for people who attempt suicide, but in 2012, 483,596 individuals were admitted to hospitals nation-wide with reports of self-harm, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

“I don’t think I’ve even admitted to myself that it happened,” Tabolt said. “Factually, I know that I did something that I shouldn’t have done, and that I could have died. That really freaks me out. Because when I attempted suicide, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I wasn’t acting as I normally would have acted, so admitting that to myself is really scary and really hard to do.”

In one of many ways to inform the general public, Tabolt took part in the ASPF Out of the Darkness Walk Saturday, Sept. 27 at Soden’s Grove.

“I don’t have plans to do anything, but if the opportunity arises I will take part in suicide prevention or awareness events or tell my story and try help people or talk to people,” Tabolt said. “I’m pretty much here for anyone who needs to talk.”

The Out of the Darkness Walk was the second suicide prevention awareness walk to be held in Emporia. The walk raised $9,000 and had about 150 participants.

“The one thing that I’ve thought since Robin Williams killed himself that really bothers me is that his death and suicide and depression were such a big deal, for like a week because he was famous,” said William Cole, friend of Tabolt. “And it sucks. Everyone else is sad about it because it’s horrible. He was a great entertainer and everything, but all the people that have to deal with it every day- I deal with thoughts of suicide and depression and where it’s lead me and how it’s been a part of my life. I think about it every day even after people stop talking about it, and people put it back into the closet…

But it’s still a problem.”

  Tabolt met Cole in the psychiatric ward, and they have supported each other through the process of finding themselves again.

“You don’t just get better,” Tabolt said. “It takes hard work- therapy, medication, for some people, dedication to wanting to get better. You have to admit to yourself that you need to get better, and that’s rough. It doesn’t just take a week, and you’re good. It could take months. It could take years, and I’m just starting my journey to healing. You just have to stay optimistic.”

Both Tabolt and Cole agree that the road to recovery never truly ends.

“The hardest thing for me to think about is the fact that I still think about it,” Cole said. “I mean you don’t get cured of depression. I mean, you could become happier, and maybe some people can become cured, but for me I know that… It’s an option. As much as you want to say that it’s off the table and you’ll never do it, and I strongly believe that I won’t ever. There’s still a pole that I drive by everyday, and I’m like ‘Yep, you’re still there if I need you.’ That’s rough.”

If a student is suffering from depression or having suicidal thoughts, it is suggested that they seek help from counseling services.

“We see about 12 percent of the Emporia State campus in general counseling sessions,” Crawford-Fowler said. “They come in for depression and anxiety. Those are the top two diagnosis that we see… I would say anxiety would be our number one diagnosis and depression would be our number two.”

Some universities will remove a student if they are showing signs of suicide. However, ESU’s policy states that a student will not be removed from campus unless they are seen as a “direct threat” to other individuals or themselves.

“Sometimes if a person is suicidal at a high level, they need to leave to be hospitalized,” said Crawford-Fowler. “When they’re suicidal level is decreased and they feel safe again then of course we want them back on campus. We’re here to help them… We want everyone to feel safe- from themselves and others, so we’ll take measures to take someone who is feeling that way to get them the help that they need.”

If anyone has the slightest feeling or thoughts of suicide Crawford-Fowler encourages and individual to seek counseling, or at the very least share their feelings with a trusted friend.

“When a person is suffering at a level where they are missing classes and they’re not spending time with their friends, and they’re feeling very fatigued and mad, then it is time to make the call,” said Crawford-Fowler. “It’s scary to do, but it is so important to open up and trust somebody with that information so that they can help you get the help that you need.”

ESU health services also offered campus wide depression screenings throughout this week in the Memorial Union Ballroom and will have motivational speaker Christopher Jay Agudo talk about why “Living is so Big” at 8 p.m. Monday, Oct. 8, in the Webb Hall.

“I plan on highlighting many different things,” said Agudo. “That living is so big. One segment is based on losing the embarrassment and speaking up- knowing that you’re not alone. A segment on my dream formula, which is a formula that gives you the how to on how to achieve the uplifting satisfying moments in life. That we tend to not put conscious thought into.”

No matter who it is or what the situation the consensus of Tabolt, Crawford-Fowler and Agudo is to seek help.

“When I think about what happened and what I did, I just think about how much I wish I had just stopped and realized I was in a bad place and asked for help,” said Tabolt. “Because there are so many people I know I could have turned to now, after the fact. So many people I could have called or gone to and said, ‘Hey, I need help.’ And I didn’t because I didn’t want to admit that to myself.”