I’ve never had sex.

But before you roll your eyes and judge me, thinking, “Oh, God. You’re one of those girls,” you know – those praise-Jesus-Hallelujah-I’m-a-perfect-angel kind of girls – let me explain why I haven’t “given it up” yet. 

Yes, I’m a cradle Catholic, and it was hammered into my brain that I should save my “temple of the Holy Spirit” for one person – my future spouse. But as I got older, it didn’t just become about my faith anymore. It became more about making a decision that was right for me.

I’ve had people ask me, “Aren’t you going to be worried when you get married? How do you know what you like?” Last semester, one of my friends teased, “You’ve never had sex before? Sucks for you.” And she laughed.

Wrong.

It’s actually too bad for you. According to an article from the Chicago University Press, my future marriage has a 76 percent lower divorce rate than those women who have already had sex. My decision to wait actually ensures my happiness – it doesn’t hinder it.

When confessing I was a virgin to some peers last semester, one of them said, “Wow. Props to your boyfriend for being strong and dealing with that for so long.” But what about me? Just because I’m female doesn’t make it any easier. And being male doesn’t justify any excuses. We’re all young, and our hormones are raging, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to wait.

If you do have sex, that’s your choice. But for me, it’s different. I just want others to know that it is okay to be 21 and a virgin. It’s okay, even if all your friends aren’t. It’s okay for you tell that guy at the bar that you don’t want to go home with him. It’s okay to be comfortable with your own decision because it’s your body. No one can take that away from you. And you shouldn’t be ashamed.

Yes, physical attraction and affection should be present in a relationship, and I’m not saying you need to ignore that, but when you love someone with your heart and not just your body, you are able to love each other more fully. It’s healthy for us to learn about our bodies and not be afraid of the feelings, passion, and urges we feel. But sex shouldn’t be arbitrary.

I don’t have to worry about waking up next to an ugly stranger and not remembering if we used a condom or not. I don’t have to worry about walking home with last night’s mascara smudge on my face, carrying my heels in one hand. I also don’t have to worry about consciously making a decision about someone who might not always be there. All I have to worry about is looking forward to rolling over and seeing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with every single morning. And I think that’s awesome.

 You can get sex from a stranger you meet at a bar. You can get it from your significant other, if you both choose to do so. If you don’t have a significant other, there are plenty of other substitutes. Anybody can get sex.

But it takes courage to wait.