While I tend to keep many of my opinions lighthearted and filled with quippy pop culture references, I wanted to write something a little different because something has been weighing on my heart. As I write this it is Dia de Finados, which is Brazil’s version of Day of the Dead.  

Grief presents itself in strange ways and it is a deeply personal experience. Recently my grandfather, Papa John, died. This has weighed on my heart, today especially. I had asked myself what the best way to honor him on this day would be and I have come to the conclusion that it is to write this. While grief is a personal experience we all will, unfortunately, live through, it can also be overwhelming.  

It comes in waves and things you never thought would remind you of them will. When we came together as a family, John loved making pancakes and biscuits with gravy. Because of this, I couldn’t stop crying while eating pancakes one morning last week.  

He comes to mind when I least expect it and sometimes it hurts. A lot. But that is okay. It is okay to hurt and miss them. It means you love them, that tightness in your chest and that instinct to scream or cry is your body’s way of processing the loss of someone you cared for. With love comes pain and with pain comes change.  

While these last few weeks have been brutal, I know that everything will be okay. Even if they aren’t now, they will be one day and not because I won’t think of him again. But because he is with me in a different way.  

We carry those we love in our minds and heart. We carry them in our souls. Sometimes in ways we wouldn’t even second guess. Each person that comes into our lives teaches us things; changes who we are. Whether they are gone from our lives from death or something else, we grieve them. We carry them within us.  

I will always put mustard in my boxed mac and cheese because of my uncle Jarrod, I will always say ‘makin’ biscuits’ when doing little pats because of an ex and I will always have cheese balls every Christmas season because of my Papa John.  

Find ways to carry and love the people in your life. While we never know how much time we have with someone, they will never be gone if we loved them. Because those we love will live on in the memories of those who cherished them and one day, that’s how we’ll live on too.  

I also believe it is important to remember we are not alone. Sometimes, if you’re like me, you have trouble letting people in to see you hurt. It’s okay to be hurting and ugly cry. It’s okay to be vulnerable with those in your life. Allow your friends and family to share space with you in your times of grief. Even if you aren’t talking, just existing in the same space as someone you matters.  

Processing grief is never an easy thing but I promise you can get through it; we can get through it. We are built to love and sometimes that brings grief and pain but that is okay. Don’t shy away from love because of a fear of losing it. That love is still there. I can full-heartedly say that knowing what I know now, I would’ve still chosen to have John in my life and to still go through this heartache and most likely so would you.