Every evening, I engage in a series of haphazard rituals that I have begun calling a “night routine”. This includes making dinner, showering, gardening, and laying in bed without pants to watch my new favorite show, Sex and The City (I could write about this show on its own but there aren’t enough words). The episodes are roughly 30 minutes each, so I usually get through one and a half before I fall asleep. 

Last night as I was watching, I asked myself the age-old question: Which character am I?  Surely I’m a Charlotte, right? I’m a little annoying though (yes, I am self-aware), so maybe I’m a Miranda. 

I decided to settle it the only way I knew how; by Google searching “SATC character quiz”. Behold, the answers I yearned for, branded with a gorgeous red and white arrow logo. Hello, BuzzFeed.

Who else remembers the age of BuzzFeed? Their 2015 renaissance was formative to my brain, and dare I say they produced the majority of the online content I indulged in. As with most flames, it burnt out, and I honestly forgot they even existed. Of course, a lot of their content hasn’t held up to the test of time, most digital content from that era hasn’t.

I clicked on the first quiz titled “Which Sex and the City Character Are You?” A pop-up appeared– apparently, they have an app. I downloaded it and finished my quiz there. 

I’m a Charlotte, by the way. How brilliant. 

What ensued was a solid hour of quizzes, each one as revolutionary as the previous. How do they know everything about me based on what donut I pick? How could they tell I’m a Virgo based on what kind of moat I would place outside of my castle? Is anyone else freaked out right now?

A second Google search began this time as I attempted to understand how they knew these things about me, yielding nothing. I still don’t know how those BuzzFeed quizzes are so damn accurate. 

This enigmatic app with its infinite knowledge haunts me now. You should download it.