There is something to be said about the pressure we often put on ourselves to avoid asking for help, even when we gravely need it. 

I have always been the type of person to just “figure it out.” Even when I was struggling, I never let others know. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience. I never wanted people to worry about me, I never wanted them to have to. 

I tacked on too much, laughed when I wanted to cry, and responded with “I’m good, how are you?” when what I really wanted to say was “Just going through the motions. I think I’m depressed.” 

I went to therapy, but sometimes I only told a half truth. I talked to my mom, my best friend, my boyfriend and often did the same. 

I never wholly welcomed help because I thought it would be better if I just “figured it out” on my own. Maddie is cheery. Maddie is trustworthy and responsible. She’s timely and prompt. She’s got it all figured out. She’s the one who offers help, not asks for it. 

Who would I then be if I told the truth? If I even hinted at my need for help?

I can assure you that just “figuring it out” was not better. It only made my mental state worse. 

I’m not a napper, but I began napping often. I woke up from a full night’s sleep exhausted. It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, to hang out with my friends and do the things I love. I overworked myself, never had enough time for self care. There was always something to be done. The only time I felt calm, normal, was when my head hit the pillow for the night. 

I was miserable. 

It took two breakdowns in the same week for me to finally ask for the help I so desperately needed, to relay that I was struggling and to help myself as well. 

I implore you: do not be like me. 

Don’t tell yourself to just “figure it out.” Don’t force yourself to stress or suffer in silence. 

When you tack on too much, ask someone if they would be willing to help lighten the load. When you notice yourself starting to struggle, floating away from all that you typically do and love, reach out to someone. 

Don’t make yourself miserable and then ask for help. Connect with others before misery becomes your day to day reality.

Asking for help does not make you an inconvenience. Seeking help when you want to cry on the inside does not make you burdensome. 

We tell others to reach out if they need anything. Maybe we should take some of our own advice and reach out too.