I shouldn’t have turned out a quarter as “good” as I am today, and by that I mean kind, patient, and empathetic. 

I say I shouldn’t have turned out “good” because a lot of people I grew up with didn’t turn into great people. I went to a private Catholic school with a subpar reputation. 

Lucky for me I had something my peers didn’t: a younger brother with Down syndrome.

Cooper, who we call Coop, is just like any other kid. He loves animals (especially dogs), icecream, french fries, swimming, watching movies, playing video games and hanging out with friends and family. He’s the nicest, sweetest, and funniest guy you’d ever meet. 

When I was growing up, I didn’t realize how great it was to have Cooper as my brother. I definitely didn’t realize how much I’d learn from him. 

Coop does everything at his own pace. It’s normally much slower than anyone (especially me) would prefer. but he’s not non verbal. I’d describe him as minimally verbal, a lot of communicating with him is yes and no questions and pointing at things. 

I rarely felt annoyed or disenfranchised by having a brother with a disability. In fact sometimes I forgot that wasn’t the norm for everyone. It was neither good or bad for me, it was just my life. It was all I knew.

I try to treat everyone with the same level of patience, kindness, and empathy as I treat Cooper.

But I still have some work to do. Internally, whenever I see someone that needs something, when someone asks for help or when I’m forced to be kind, patient or empathetic I’m actually stricken with annoyance. 

I feel bad that I get annoyed with people who need help, and I would say that it’s my guilt at feeling annoyed that compels me to take the time to help anyways. I’d want someone to help Coop out even if it inconveniences them. If I want that from others, it’s only fair that I inconvenience myself as well.

Some people don’t share my sentiment about helping others, they believe in doing the bare minimum or not helping others at all. They are unwilling to make an effort to change. I’m not sure if I can expect others to have the same level of empathy and emotional intelligence that I have.

Is it unfair for me to ask someone to be uncomfortable and change even if that change helps them to be better? 

Having Cooper as my brother has made it so much easier for me to see someone, to understand a person and their actions — almost too easily. I can excuse almost anyone slighting me, anyone intentionally or unintentionally screwing me over, because it’s not really their fault. 

They weren’t as lucky as I was to have someone like Cooper to teach them how to be kind, patient, and empathetic.

I’m not sure if I’m a good person. I’m not sure if it counts if I cringe inside when inconveniencing myself for another, or  if cringing and still doing it is what makes me good. Either way, it’s growing up with Coop that made me who I am and taught me how to try to be good.

I feel extremely lucky to have Cooper as my brother. I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. Thanks buddy, love you!